Entry #14: “Ed”

At that moment, the hair-clotted red curtain came down on the nightmare being performed on my mind’s haunted stage, directed by, written by, and starring Ed.

His act was finally over. Playing the role of my past self, he had based his performance on his desired image of me, distorting my past appearance and actions like he had done to the very state of my past itself—like he was trying to do to my present and future. That’s why it’s important for me to keep this journal, to keep writing the true events of my life, even though my words have become infected. They keep mutating into shapeless ink-black monsters that Ed casts in supporting roles needed for the scenes he’s scripted and directed to plague my mind, adapted from the very events I’m trying to quarantine.

I can’t escape him, because even the state of having “escaped” ends with “Ed.” Quite simply, he’s stitched to my past. The key to my sanity is to prevent him from stitching my past and future together, to prevent him from closing the nasty gash in my brain where joy used to be—the rotting wound I’m presently living in.

I’ve loved a woman named Annie.

I’ve killed Annie.

I’ve buried Annie.

I’ve survived.

I’ve loved. I’ve killed. I’ve buried. I’ve survived. There he is. “Ed.” He’s in all those written actions. He’s always there in the end. But I have to keep writing. I have to know what’s actually real, and what’s purely his abuse of a morbid creative freedom.

While my mind may not be, the one thing that will remain stable is the fact that he’ll never stitch himself to who I am.

(What if I already have, Allie?)

My name is Alma Delmar. I used to be a woman. I used to be a lesbian. I used to be a victim. Not anymore. I’m no longer playing a role written by society.

My name is Alma Delmar. I’m just alive.

Ed has gone back to being nothing more than a deadly prop in the one-woman show I’ve been starring in.

The curtain came back up, revealing a cold, white scenery—a blank page ready for the next scene of my story to be written, directed by the Caretaker.

***

Click here to read Entry #15.

File #1: “The Door” kicks off a new spin-off series.

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